Do Women Cheat in Relationships More Than Men?
Who cheats more? Men or women? And why do partners sometimes
feel the need to cheat?
When it comes to infidelity, the reasons vary for men and women. In
fact, gender often plays some role in what led to the indiscretion. For
example, one reason men often stray is because they don’t feel respected
by their partner.
Here’s what the experts have to say
You might be surprised to hear about how men and women differ when it comes to cheating.
In a conversation with The Cheat Sheet, Lesli Doares, couples consultant and author of
Blueprint for a Lasting Marriage, told us cheating among women is often due to
unmet emotional needs. “I’m not sure that women are more likely to cheat than men but the percentages are getting closer as women have
been in the workplace
in force. And the reasons they cheat are often the same,” Doares said.
What are those reasons? Feeling underappreciated and failing to have
their emotional needs met are common.
To learn more about infidelity among both men and women, The Cheat Sheet spoke some more with Doares as well as psychologist
Dr. Jeanette Raymond. Their answers to our questions might surprise you.
The Cheat Sheet: Despite the common belief that men tend to be cheaters, is it a possibility that women are more likely to cheat than men?
Women might be catching up to men when it comes to cheating.
Dr. Jeanette Raymond: Absolutely. Women who have
outgrown their dependency on their partners often cheat just for the
exhilaration of being free and in control of their lives. They don’t
want to rock the boat too much, nor do they want to feel trapped and
forced to restrict themselves to a narrow lifestyle. Cheating is a great
way of having that balance. [I know someone] who is married with young
children who goes out dancing, picks up guys and cheats. She wants
freedom because her husband is clingy and wants her to devote herself to
him (which she did in the early days of their relationship). She wants
to explore parts of herself that she suppressed earlier in order to get a
guy.
CS: What are some reasons women cheat on their partner?
Some women want to inject a little more excitement into their lives.
JR: Some women who change and grow but want to
maintain their relationship status choose to be self-indulgent and let
loose. Some women cheat to get their partners jealous so that the
relationship becomes exciting again if it was in the doldrums. Others
cheat because their mothers did. Many women grow up in homes where their
mothers have multiple partners, often simultaneously. It becomes a
norm.
CS: How can a man make a woman partner feel more loved and accepted?
Let her fulfill that goal of hitting up every continent to make sure she knows she’s loved.
JR: Noticing, acknowledging, and facilitating their
partner’s psychological, emotional, and social growth is the essence of
the capacity to love. Encouraging your partner to be who she is, and to
fulfill her personal goals as a woman are the best ways to honor and
accept her.
CS: What advice do you have for a woman who is tempted to cheat?
Thinking of cheating?
JR: She should take a look at what’s missing in her
life and try to discuss it with her partner. Then she should consider
what she’s aiming for by cheating. Is she wanting to feel power,
feminine, control, have the thrill of a secret? If her partner is not up
to talking and discussing her change and growth, it would be a good
idea to think about going to therapy to explore her personal needs and
her choices. Then she doesn’t have to use cheating to force the issue of
needing to grow and develop.
CS: What lesson can a couple learn from cheating?
Bigger issues are often behind infidelity.
Lesli Doares: Cheating is often a symptom of the
state of the relationship, not the cause of problems. But once it
occurs, the infidelity overshadows those real problems and becomes the
focus. While the original problems can often be effectively resolved,
the violation of trust that occurs with infidelity makes that resolution
much, much harder. Cheating is almost always discovered, despite the
participants’ best efforts. It’s much healthier to deal with one
relationship at a time. So, fix the one you’re in or end it because
relationships that begin as affairs
